Culmination- 2013

It is with bitter-sweet feelings that I have to call Asian Institute of Technology (AIT)’s 120^th graduation ceremony a culmination of many things. Bitter, because this is the day when we will see many of our friends for probably the last time. Many of them, I am sure, will cross my part of the world one day, but then, there are so many I may not even manage to keep in touch. Sweet, because, like everyone else here, we will be together with families and loved ones once more. It was nice to see the insides of a classroom after about a decade or so; it was a nice break from the daily grind of a regular job, but it was not easy to be away from the loves of your life. Sweet, because the ceremony also falls on the 106^th national day of my country.

Well, it’s over for now. As they say, till death, education continues. I am sure some of us may meet at a different part of the world, still in the quest of further knowledge. See you there!

What did I learn? That’s obviously the next question.

Indeed, I did learn a few things. We have a phrase that is occasionally used by the learned to label the ignoramuses in my country:  “Jhing gi boep”. It means a “frog in a pond”, who thinks the pond is the whole universe. This stint at AIT at least took me out of the pond. It made me shed my blinkers, and showed me the whole panorama of life!

It also taught me that there are a lot more things to learn, and everyone is interested in knowledge. That everyone likes to live in harmony with the other person, everyone has the same feelings, and everyone misses someone dear somewhere. The last part was really very subtle- it showed in only the small involuntary things that people did, but the message was there.

I would guess that, for most of us, what we learnt outside the classrooms and lecture theatres was far more significant than what we did inside them.

Best of all was the diversity of life here. That teaches you things, doesn’t it. The culture, the resemblance of cultures, and humaneness. The love we shared. I am sure God created everyone the same; hence the similarities within the differences. This is something I will cherish all my life.  

But as someone has written, life has to go on, and living has to be made.

So, off we go. Back to our desks. Back to routine. To try and apply, where possible, what we have learnt here.  Let us work hard, discipline ourselves, and move ahead in life. And never stop learning- the world is the biggest classroom, and experience the best teacher!

To all my new (and old) friends: Let me bid you farewell for now. We’ll meet again. Somewhere, some place. I know we will. Keep in touch, and see you there! 

From Bhutan to AIT, Bangkok!

Yes, I come from Bhutan. That small nation that is ensconced between India and China, and the very one that introduced the concept of Gross national Happiness to the world. In Bhutan, we calculate GNH as a measure of the country’s development, and not GDP. Surprised? I do look like I am from India, or Bangladesh or Nepal. Depends on how you look at it. We are called the “Lhotshampas” in Bhutan, rather fondly, I would say, and loosely translates to “one from the southern fringes of the country”. Well, once upon a time my ancestors came from somewhere and settled in Bhutan.  But me and my family (and my grandfather before that) are firmly Bhutanese, although we also celebrate Hindu festivals like the Dasain, along with all the Buddhist ones. You see, in Bhutan, Hinduism and Buddhism are the two state religions, and English and Dzongkha are the popular two languages, apart from other vernaculars. Yes, English, because the education in Bhutan is all conducted in English from the beginning, which is the official language of communication, along with Dzongkha.

Well, that’s it for the introduction. Do let us move to AIT now.

Along with my 18 colleagues (comprising of Bangladeshi, Myanmarese & Bhutanese nationals), I am doing my Professional Masters in Banking and Finance here.  As far as AIT is concerned, we joined the institute in January 2013. My student ID says I joined the program officially on 7^th January 2013, although I arrived here only on the 31^st March, with a further wait of another month for my friends from other countries to arrive, before our course actually started. I graduate in December 2013, which gives me an effective period of seven months for full-time study, to complete all the course modules plus a research project.

It seems ironic now, that my first impression of AIT was of the silence that was prevalent. Yes, it was silent, very much so. That was so, now I realize, because I landed here at the wrong time! Everyone was either readying their thesis defenses or studying for their final exams, except for a few hours of sports in the evenings. Well, that made us odd men out. No friends to speak of, till the new semester started.

The other impression that I had was the speed of internet connection available in the rooms. I come from a country where the net penetrated very late, and the fastest speed, from the recently popular broadband connection, was at least ten times slower than what we got here! You see what I mean: a streaming YouTube video playing without buffering was a novelty to us! And, obviously, we got hooked immediately. It is another long story that we had to wait for another week to get our student IDs, and therefore the net connections (despite being “officially” a student since January).

During the entire month of waiting for our other colleagues to arrive, we were made to study a “bridging course”. I have no idea now what the bridge helped us cross, because all we were taught were how to calculate sums in excel (which most of us were already very proficient, having worked in a Bank), how to write in English (which I realize now was an exercise to make use of the abundant time we had at our disposal, and which I believe, frankly, was not required) and some introductory economics (which was useful, providing a background for Professor Juthathip’s intensive lectures later on), which were basically meant to get us used to the classroom- which we had forgotten for the last 10-15 years. The problem was, the useful part I mentioned was covered through online materials, which gave us an added incentive to get hooked more than ever to the internet.

Now AIT seems a little different. I have made quite a few friends. We see a lot of activities going on. That brings me to a conundrum: that of being a new student, but neither being considered  “new” (as in having joined in August of this year),  nor “old”, because we started our studies not in August last year, but May this year! Of course, thanks to the SU team, that was solved soon enough- at least starting from the weekend trip. And another one: not being fully considered a part of SOM, since our classes are always held at AITCC, although our course is coordinated through the SOM: which meant missing a lot of things there!

On to other things now: As I said before, we had a quite a bit of time on our hands initially (a month, to be precise), and with the new found wealth (the allowance for books and research that our company kindly paid us, apart from the 3-months stipend), we got a lot of opportunities to visit Bangkok, which was the nearest place to us then, since we had no idea that the Future Park was nearer. So we went, almost daily, to Anud Sawari Xaisa Maraphoom by taxi, no less- we were wealthy, you know, and no one advised us that bus no. 29 & 510 were far cheaper alternatives. And so we went: and KFC , MacDonalds & Burger King (at the MBK or the Siam Paragon, obviously) became our regular haunts, not to forget the Asiatic pier, the Baiyoke tower, the Bobae and the Indian market. Our taste buds are used to spicy food (spicy meaning lot of chillies, since a dish called ema-datshi, literally chillies cooked with cheese, is our national dish), and the “spicy” Thai dishes, which meant sweet (“Hwan”?) were not our kind. So the last minute realization that we would need some rice & curry cookers, so we could sometimes- at least at times when we were not too lazy- cook dishes to our own likings, despite having never cooked before! Cooking in the balcony sometimes is indeed fun- with people at the badminton court looking up and wondering what this strange man was cooking, at such odd times. See, the life at AIT begins at 9 pm.

Then the realization that we were almost done with all our allowances, supposed to last the next three months!  You see, Bangkok is such a bargain place, where everything under the sun is available so very cheap- until we realize, too late, that the value of things here become twice when we convert to our own currency. But well... we all learnt the English the Thai shopkeepers knew- four complex words: Have? No Have! Discount? Cannot, Mistah!

And, thank god for the AIT Dorm rooms, which we found very tiny when we first came, but which now seem large enough to accommodate us plus all the junk we purchased at the time, including that funny sun-hat from Pattaya (we did visit the place anyway), the picture-on-a-plate from Phuket & Dreamworld, and so on. Who says it doesn’t pay to stay in campus? It is so cheap after all. I have to just conveniently forget, for now, the excess baggage when I go back, collected from those shopping jaunts - not counting the course books (by themselves no less than 15 kgs) although we hardly refer them now- we prefer uncle Google, who is so very generous in providing suitable materials, especially when throwing silly questions at whoever is lecturing to you in class. And the Facebook experience.  Don’t let’s talk of that… just rest assured that I am now blocked from sending friend requests, because I sent too many to people I saw were in AIT, and someone very kindly answered “No” when it asked “Do you know Hem outside of Facebook?”. Ha ha, so very funny.

So- the life goes on.

AIT is a huge community- with scholars from countries that we common people have never heard of, congregating here. The Sodexo cafeteria is fun- although the food is a tad too sweet, we like it much better now, thank you. With the added green chillies, of course. And there is always the SU café, with the deafening noise inside, despite there being only around 10 people- everyone trying their best to make themselves heard, and vying for the attention of our homely Aunty at the India counter. Also, who can forget the coffee at Hom Krun & UFM café. And the Friday nights! Interesting is hardly the word for it.

Well, this is adaptation now. From sitting in the office on a revolving chair, commanding people to do your bidding for the last 10 years, to being a student again. Life is good now, fallen into the rhythmic pattern of a student’s life. AIT, thank you for the experience. I am going to miss the ambiance after December 2013. Even though I am counting backwards to be back home: hok..ha..si..sam..song…..nguen.

Yes, mistah, I lie. Really, I do.

Khop khun khrap.

***

Human Life........

Fear of failure is a natural human tendency and limits us psychologically, but fear of success is also a major limiting factor. With success comes many unintended consequences, i.e. more money, less privacy, lovers, haters, changes in the id and ego and cognitive perception.

I think that, as far as we know, since this is our one shot at the human experience, we need to make sure that it is carried through with meaning. While that might mean a fabulous career or a healthy family or being in love or helping others realize their dreams or simply watching all this with wonder, it is certainly an individual choice.


to be continued................

I wanted to catch it ………

I saw a vision,

Beautiful shape… pretty hued

It beckoned at me,

Wanted me to hold it close.

I moved towards it,

Wanted to catch and draw it near…

I touched it and it felt cool

And then, I woke up.

DIMINISHING CULTURE

Migration has contributed to the richness in diversity of cultures, ethnicities and races in developed countries. However, individuals who migrate experience multiple stresses that can impact their mental well being, including the loss of cultural norms, religious customs, and social support systems, adjustment to a new culture and changes in identity and concept of self.

In this globalized world, more and more cities are becoming clones of each other, and people are converging into fake stereotypes; gone are the unique cities that carry so much history and culture in every corner, lost are the enriching cultural differences and specificities that make a society uniquely what it is; London looks like Paris which looks like Madrid; Restaurants serving this or that country’s traditional food are drowned out by the huge fast food chains, beautiful traditional clothing is lost between the new bulk-made looks created by the big brands, people look alike, eat alike and dress alike whether they’re in Thimphu, Kathmandu or Canberra.

We’re losing one of the things that count the most: our identity, the uniqueness in us, that which makes us special and allows us to stand out from the crowd- basically, OUR CULTURE!

Culture is a defining feature of a person's identity, contributing to how they see themselves and the groups with which they identify. Culture may be broadly defined as the sum total of ways of living built up by a group of human beings, which is transmitted from one generation to another. Every community, cultural group or ethnic group has its own values, beliefs and ways of living.

The observable aspects of culture such as food, clothing, celebrations, religion and language are only part of a person's cultural heritage. The shared values, customs and histories characteristic of culture shape the way a person thinks, behaves and views the world. A shared cultural heritage bonds the members of the group together and creates a sense of belonging through community acceptance.

"Selfish Parents" by Sarah Rollins

The subject matter seemed quite relevant to our time, and the essay itself (at least to me) is profound in its depth. 

“Have you ever wished that you had never been born? That you never even existed? Have you ever felt like the whole world doesn’t even care about you? Or even something as benign as not being wanted around?

I come from a family of eight. My older sister is beautiful and musically talented. She shared this special gift with my dad. They used to sing together when he was alive. I never had the joy of doing that. My brother is a great musician too. My dad taught him how to play harp and guitar and he shared that bond with our father. But, I couldn’t play. My dad has been dead now for six years, but I can still remember him saying, “Before you were born mom and I used to……”

My family is close enough, but I must be honest with myself. If I had not been born my siblings would have had more in life. If I had not existed, then my parents could have afforded voice lessons for my sister or a tutor for my brother. My little sister would not have had to wear my old hand-me-downs and may have been more popular in school. It was I who introduced drugs to my brother. If I hadn’t existed, he might not ever have done them! Even as an adult, I have been a thorn in their side, and I am not sure if they haven’t wished that our family was smaller.

We moved around a lot because of financial problems- problems that may have been avoided if our family wasn’t quite so large. My parents sometimes fought over money and my dad had to work very hard to support us. He was often gone on the road, now I wonder if he wasn’t just trying to get away from all of us! Most of the time, he was exhausted when he came home. Perhaps, he wouldn’t have had to work so hard if I hadn’t ever existed.

My mother could have given more dedicated time and attention to her other children if I had not been born. But, she was divided, and I am sure my siblings were jealous at times. My mom worked hard too. She learned how to be economical, fix toilets and leaky pipes, and stretch meals for growing children. Perhaps, my siblings wouldn’t have had as many growing pains had they been given a better diet. But, because I was born, my mom was on a strict budget.

You disagree with me? Really? You say I am wanted, my family loves me and I am important to my spouse and children. Sure, I am happy now. But, it has recently been brought to my attention how selfish I am for having wanted to live. Today, children are “planned” out of existence.

Apparently, if you have too many you cannot give them enough love, attention, and of course material things. People say that if you have too many children that they will be unhappy growing up. I have heard it is actually selfish for parents to have more than a few children. I guess it is because those “selfish” parents just want to have children like property. They selfishly want many babies to make themselves feel good, never mind the outcome of the deprived children! They can’t possibly love them!

Well, I am alive because my mother didn’t think this way! I am alive not only because my mother didn’t kill me, but because she didn’t use contraceptives. I am alive and I am the happiest person on earth to be alive! When I wake up on a sunny morning to my children laughing in the sunshine of the window, I am happy to be alive! When my husband smiles at me I am happy to be alive! When my little brother says, “Hey sis!” I am happy to be alive! When my sister sings songs my daddy sang I am happy to be alive! When I see pictures of my nieces and nephews with their basketball team or horses I am happy just to be alive to see it! When my big brother gives me his monthly “checking on you” phone call I am happy just to be his little sister!

When I think of my dad who used to talk about the things he had to give up because he had so many kids, I am thankful to him, because, he gave them up and not me! He used to call me his “princess.” So, I was never jealous for not being called his “star” like my sister. When I look at my little brother, I can’t even tell you how happy I am that he exists! He looks like my dad – who I miss with all my heart! I love each of my siblings and am thankful for the experiences they have given me! Like counting stars on the trampoline, climbing trees and building forts, and tramping through irrigated fields just to see what was on the other side of the hill. I am happy to be alive. Does that make me selfish?

With nine children, I have carried them through hot summers, gone through labor nine times, my insides are prolapsed and my eyebrows are turning white. Every year I have had an infant with croup, a child with the flu, and a few trips to the emergency room. Yes! My children bring me joy, but they also bring sadness. I have cried, I have hurt, I have pulled my hair out during many a sleepless night! Would I give any of them back? Are you crazy!?

So you might ask my children – are they happy to be alive? Would they prefer I had not had so many kids? But, lets return to the original accusation, that of being selfish for wanting so many kids. Is it okay for children to be so selfish as to not want a sibling? Should we encourage this kind of thinking? I assure you, my children love their siblings and would not wish to lose any one of them!

So, who is the selfish one really? I am insulted that some people masquerade as if they are being charitable to NOT have many children so they can give their few children more attention and stuff, while at the same time insinuating that I am somehow selfish for giving all I have to as many children as God wants me to.

My dad was alive and now he isn’t. I miss him. I also miss the seven other siblings I would have today had they not died prematurely. I miss them because I know that they might have been. I wonder what it would have been like to have another sibling who loved me. Think for a minute of all the laughter that is missing from this world of “planned parenthood.” When a child commits suicide who can tell them that their life was valuable? Who today truly believes life is valuable? It is our degenerated society that has lost sight of the incredible value of human life that is at fault for the sadness in so many children who believe they were a “mistake” an “accident” their parents were good enough not to kill them, but not good enough to want them.”

When does life really begin? 

Is it when the first fluttering beats of the primitive heart of a fetus start, or when the child is pushed from the womb into the world? Does it all actually start at the moment of conception when the egg and sperm meet and mix their genetic code together to create a new being?

Who can say really. 

No one knows because no one is sure of when life truly begins.

There are many out there who say an unborn child isn't really a person, or even alive because it can not sustain it's own life. If this were true, then no one is a real person until they are living on their own away from their parents. When you stop and really think about this, without listening to the arguments about when life starts or if something is considered alive until a certain time, you would surprised at what you may find.

When the primitive heart of a tiny fetus starts to beat for the first time, it is then that it starts to actually survive on its own, apart from its mother. Though at this time, most mothers-to-be don't know they are mothers yet, they do begin to change their attitude to a more gentle caring way and doing what they can to protect the tiny life inside them in many different ways. It is the life growing inside them that starts those mothering instincts. And it is those instincts that protect it from harm until it is able to survive outside the womb and until it can live apart from its mother later in life. Even beyond that point, any mother will protect her young from everything she can.

I'm not a scientist, a theologist, or even a doctor. I am just an average human being with a child of my own. From the moment I heard my child's heart beat for the first time (thanks to modern technology), I have thought about when life truly began. 

No matter what, from the very beginning when the egg and sperm meet, it is a living breathing human being. Sometimes, the life can not go beyond a few weeks inside the mother, but its still alive, until it can not go any longer. 

There are times, when that life has to be ended, in such cases, it is still sad, but if the mother is to live, then it has to be done. There are other times, when frankly, it is best because there are other problems such as a tumor which is eating away at the child little by little. It doesn't change the fact the child had to die, but at least, it had a small chance and brought just a little happiness into the mother's life.

So, when does life really begin? 

I don't know, but when ever it does, its all well worth keeping it going, for the rewards are more than what anyone truly deserves.